


scared as fuck and out of touch

by chrismarieee



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fate, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Past Zayn/Louis, artist!louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-15
Updated: 2013-06-15
Packaged: 2017-12-15 01:32:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/843760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrismarieee/pseuds/chrismarieee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't a good day, it was a bad day.  Bad days meant Louis couldn't breathe or paint, or do anything.  On days like this one, Louis just needs an escape.  And today, he just happens to be in the right place at the right time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	scared as fuck and out of touch

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I've written in a long time (and my first 1D fic in general), so yay for coming out of my fic hibernation! I probably could have turned this into something longer, but I needed to get it out of my head so I can move onto some others I have planned. The title is from Alleyways by The Neighbourhood. Enjoy. =)

Today wasn’t a good day. The flat was too quiet, the air stale, the kitchen sink full of dirty dishes. It wasn’t a good place to be, and the worst of it all was that Louis was barely in any sort of state to care. All he could concentrate on was his nearly blank canvas, only painted with a light wash of gray. His paint was mocking him, and his brush felt like a weight between his fingers. It wasn’t right, it was all wrong. He could feel the panic setting in, the spiral trying to pull him down, the thoughts trying to take over. It wasn’t right, it wasn’t working, (he wasn’t right, or working, or worth anything at all, not really) and today it was getting to him more than before. He needed to get out of his dingy apartment. He could feel a tightness in his chest that he knew would only be loosened by some fresh air, a walk, and just some time away from his walls. He’d been cooped up for too long, that was the problem. He stumbled down the hall and then the stairs and out the door, breathing in lungfuls of air that only could help so much. It was a little cooler outside, and half of him wished he’d thought to stop and grab a jacket, but he wasn’t turning back now. 

He wasn’t sure of his destination, so he just let himself wander the streets, trying to clear his fuzzy head of all the thoughts that were threatening to take over and immobilize him like they often did. When he couldn’t paint he couldn’t function, at least that was how it had been lately. If he couldn’t get his thoughts on canvas, couldn’t let it all flow through and out, then he felt stuck. With Louis it was all or nothing, he was either all functioning or falling apart. Right now he was teetering on a dangerous edge. 

His legs had brought him over a street, pointing toward the direction of a quaint coffee shop he had been to a handful of times, but not in a while. Not since Zayn had moved out. Louis supposed it was bad that he couldn’t remember how long ago that was. He’d up and left, taking with him some of the muse that Louis needed, and leaving behind a healthy addiction to cigarettes. The cigarettes were a nice distraction from the hollow feeling in his chest, but they didn’t help him fill a canvas. Right now nothing seemed likely to do that. 

There were cars honking, people shouting and laughing and living, and Louis felt like he was outside of it all. He remembered the days when he would laugh and shout and muck about, and he missed them with a sharp, deep ache in his chest. Nothing was the same anymore, growing up had not offered him any favors, and all he ever felt anymore was alone. He couldn’t remember how did get back into things, couldn’t remember what it really felt like to actively participate in living, instead of hiding in his work. Work that apparently he could no longer even do.

Bitterness swallowed him up and he tucked his head down against the breeze, allowing himself to speed up. He suddenly didn’t want to be where he was, suddenly didn’t want to be out here with these people, getting lost as they looked past him. But for some reason he propelled forward, walking faster and faster as if he actually had somewhere he needed to be. But he didn’t. Not anymore.

He stopped at a crosswalk and a small group of people gathered behind him, waiting just like he was. Louis felt himself tense, and wished with all he had that he could be the boy he used to be, bright, shining Louis. The Louis that didn’t let anyone make him feel small, or unwanted. That Louis would be disgusted if he could see himself now, standing on a corner and feeling like it was the end of the world, just because people were standing too close. He huffed a sigh and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to just make himself calm. There was no reason to feel so overwhelmed, not when the whole point in having a walk had been to calm himself to begin with. The moment passed and he opened his eyes. They darted around, taking in his surroundings. There was a mother and daughter to his right, their hands clasped together between them, the colors of their nails clashing together. They were laughing about something, and Louis could feel himself pulling away, leaning to his left, not wanting to intrude, not wanting to get too close to someone else’s happiness. 

His eyes glanced over to his left to the person he’d gotten closer to, and his eyes widened. He had curls framing his cheeks, though Louis could see that they were being restrained by the beanie on his head. He was smiling at something on his phone, and Louis could just see a dimple in his cheek. Louis chest tightened, but this was a different feeling, it wasn’t like the feeling he’d been growing used to, but more like an echo from the past, a feeling he hadn’t felt since even before Zayn. His cheeks flushed and he looked away. He felt pulled to this boy though, he couldn’t keep his eyes away. He could just barely see the beginnings of a tattoo peeking out of the top of his shirt, and Louis couldn’t help but wonder what it was, couldn’t help but wish he would be awarded the chance to find out. 

Quite suddenly he felt the heat of a gaze on him, and his eyes jumped up, locking with a pair of startling green eyes. The boy was smirking, but all Louis could do was look down, look away, wishing he was wearing anything but his paint splattered shirt and joggers. The old him was almost alive in his veins though, and he wasn’t happy. Regret was taking hold of his heart, tugging at it, and his eyes jumped back up, as if trying to have some sort of second chance. But it was no use, green eyes was looking back at his phone, bottom lip tucked between his teeth. Louis sighed, feeling helpless and stupid, his loss weighing heavy. He felt prickly all over, uncomfortable standing here, wishing that they could just get back to walking already.

Suddenly there was a pinging sound, and they were all being directed to walk across. But right before they could all take their first steps, a car came careening down the street. The mother and daughter pair gasped and stood stock still, but it was then that Louis noticed something that was about to go very wrong. Green eyes was still stuck in his phone, but he was also walking into the street, completely oblivious to what was going on around him. Louis’ chest was tight again, his heart felt like it was stopping and he was so scared, so completely petrified. Except that now he was moving, his arm reaching out and grasping the back of the boy’s shirt. He had just looked up, his wide eyes catching sight of the car that was making no sign of stopping. His face was shocked, but Louis could barely register that. He was too busy pulling the boy back with all he had, bringing him back safely onto the walk beside him. He bumped into Louis’ chest, his hand coming up and bracing against Louis’ arm. Louis was shaking, his breath coming out in heavy bursts as his mind tried to catch up with what had just happened. 

There was a beat, a pause as everyone took a breath. And then--

“Fuck.” His voice was slow but warm, still shocked as his head turned and his wide green eyes met Louis’. He let go of Louis’ arm and turned completely around as everyone walked around them. “Fuck, I could have...you _saved_ me.” Louis could feel something in his chest loosen, could feel something else slide into place. He let out a slow breath.

“I guess I did.” A smile suddenly curved across his lips, and he didn’t know what to do next, couldn’t remember what was expected of him now, what the protocol for this type of situation was. Though something told him that the old Louis might have been just as lost as he was. 

“I‘m Harry.” The boy said, almost abruptly. He was staring at Louis with something like wonder, like awe, and Louis didn’t know what he was supposed to do with that.

“I‘m Louis.” Harry smiled at that, a full blown smile that made his eyes light up, and made Louis’ breath catch. He could feel electricity in every little spot they were still touching, and something just felt right about this moment like nothing had in a very, very long time. Suddenly, Louis really, really didn’t want to go home. 

“Let me buy you a drink. Or tea, or coffee.” Harry was still talking slow, but there was a nervous lilt to his voice, and that was comforting in this moment that felt too big. Comforting because something told Louis that Harry would understand. “Or anything. Just let me thank you.” Harry’s eyes were eager and searching, and his hand was rubbing small circles into Louis’ arm. Somehow it felt like he was even closer than he had been only a moment before. Louis couldn’t remember the last time someone really looked at him like this. Toward the end, Zayn barely bothered to even look at him at all. But right now, Zayn was the last person Louis wanted to think about.

“Alright.” His answer was quiet, considering, and it felt like the first good thing that he had done in months. It felt like things might be going in a better direction. And when Harry beamed, Louis knew that this couldn’t be wrong. He didn’t let go of Louis’ arm as they walked across the street, he kept close to his side, knuckles grazing his waist every now and then. Louis kept glancing over, only to find Harry already looking each and every time.

A cup of tea turned into dinner, which turned into dates, which turned into stumbling up stairs and into beds, bodies tucked close together, hearts beating fast, lips meeting, lungs sharing the same air. But before all of that, Louis got a phone number, and a last name, and a boy to think about that night. A boy that gave him butterflies, a boy that made him blush and he couldn’t even remember the last time that happened. Later that night he went home and painted. Electric curls in browns and greens, something to get lost in. It was an abstract piece and he couldn’t help but think it should be titled Fate. He fell asleep feeling like he could breathe again, because that day he had woken up feeling empty, but he was going to bed feeling he was on his way to being filled up. Everything had felt wrong, but suddenly things were turning right. He felt calm, he felt okay. Sure, it was just one day, but he had saved a boy, and maybe he’d been given a chance to save himself.


End file.
